That's tight.

On the streets of Williamsburg, one can see a new trend exerting its medically prescribed death-grip on many young, impressionable residents.  Seen most often in the traditional fall fashion colors “nude” and “beige,” these new fashion must haves are as ubiquitous as handlebar mustaches and fixed-gear bikes/glasses without lenses. “My skinny jeans just weren’t cutting it anymore,” said Logan Schmidt, in an unnaturally high-pitched voice.  “These compression stockings conform to the shape of my disproportionately slender legs much more rigorously.”  He demonstrated the integrity of the stockings to this reporter by pulling at his stocking, yelping slightly as the material snapped back into place.  He added, “It really drives home the ironic juxtaposition of my socioeconomic class with my malnourished physique. Before I felt that my ankles were the least ironic part of my body, but that is quickly changing.”

American Apparel plans to begin selling the stockings in four colors by the end of the month: neon pink, neon yellow, neon green, and flannel.  Compression leg-warmers and unisex rompers are also in the works.