Advice You Shouldn’t “Pee” Without!

by Charity Finkel

Pee-Pee Dance-Dance

Girls and peeing — amirite guys?  Why we always gotta make it a social event?  Well, I’m a lady, so I don’t know too much about urinals, and I’m an American, so I don’t know anything about European lady urinals.  But if there’s one thing I do know about, it’s MEN.  And if there’s another thing I know, it’s Pack Urination Theory (PUT).  Men could really benefit from learning about PUT, because PUT-ing the right people in your pee posse could help you be your fiercest you.  Here’s an article I found about it in the Sophisticated Lady Magazine for Fancy Women.  I’ve modified it for the benefit of my male readers:

“Boyfriends, we all know that bathroom breaks are really just parties with a purpose! And if life imitates art, and the best art is Sex and the City, then don’t you want to be the Carrie Bradshaw of your pee posse?  Then get yourself a urinal wingman from each one of these three personality types!

The Personal Assistant: Sometimes, life gets so busy that you wish you could have four more arms or two clones.  The time you spend every day standing at public urinals is totally wasted!  But with a personal assistant in your pee posse, you can grab a bite to eat or update your facespace page on the fly!  Get him to stand behind you with your iPhone (remember to turn off vibrate!), then have him wrap his arms around you like that god that all those cab drivers like.  This way, you take care of your internet business while you do your other business! 😉

The Celebrit-ay: Get someone who is famous to join your group.  For example, JFK or Kelly Ripa. You could have a great conversation about all sorts of things: women, the arts, the African American civil rights struggle, brothers (not African Americans, just his brothers). An example of a famous person to avoid is R. Kelly.

The Bestie: Your last peeing partner is your friend and your #1 cheerleader.  He pushes you to go the distance, but consoles you when you cannot.  He makes you feel okay about that bad break like up over Thanksgiving when Ryan decided to end things right before you were about to take the LSAT’s and you were totally stressed out and had missed two pilates classes in a row and your pores were totally huge—“

Well, that’s as far as I got with this article.  I have to plan another theme party for the House, but until next week, this is Chastity Finkel, signing off!



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